Utopia
by Is0lde
Summary: [Andrew x Warren] Fluffy little story I wrote today. Rated PG for... err... talk about killing everyone. Might seem frightening to small children who stumble upon this page...


_(author's note: My first Buffy fanfiction ever! Yay!  
Err, I'd like to point out that this takes place before Warren actually invents the whole brainwashing-of-women device - I can't remember what it's called just now, unfortunately - and before he uses it on his girlfriend. So there.  
And, uh, I guess this is kind of stupid. If so, tell me.  
  
And NO, I don't own any of the characters. They're Whedon's babies. Unfortunately.)_

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"Hey, Andrew?"

Andrew peeked up from under the huge pile of pillows he was laying beneath. They'd all collapsed over him about five seconds earlier. Perhaps building a fort hadn't been such a good idea after all.

"Yeah?"

Warren had a smile on his face – a depraved smile. That smile would have frightened Jonathan out of his wits, beginning to think of what that smile could possibly mean Warren was planning. But Jonathan was out buying sodas and Cheetos, and Andrew had seen that smile before. It really didn't bother him at all.

"I've been thinking about this taking over the world thing we've started. And I've asked myself... after dumping Jonathan, why stop there? Why stop with just taking it over? Why not go one step further?"

Andrew looked nonplussed. Abstract thinking really wasn't his cup of tea. "What do you mean, one step further?"

Warren didn't become irritated with his friend's lesser mind capacity. He was getting used to it, and he was in a good mood today. Therefore, his smile didn't fade the least bit. "I mean, come on, Andrew. This world, humanity, what's it good for anyway? Producing morons, creating species killing other species? Don't you think it's all just so... _unnecessary_?"  
"I'm sorry, but I'm really not following here." Andrew was now utterly perplexed. This was what he found most troublesome about being with Warren; he always had to think so hard when they were talking about something other that Star Wars, videogames and which was _the_ best episode of Star Trek, all seasons, all series included. It didn't really matter, though. He was devoted to Warren. And if he had _any _intuition at all, Warren liked him back. That was, at least, his firm belief.

"Listen, Andrew, I'm serious here. What if we, instead of ruling all of mankind... _killed them all_?"

Andrew's facial expression was blank. "So, like, there'd be just me and you... and Jonathan?"

"No," retorted Warren. "I've told you, I think he's expendable. We probably won't need him after we've killed the Slayer anyway."

"So then, we'd be, like, the only people alive?"

"Sort of." Warren's smile grew wider and even more deranged. "Wouldn't that be so cool? We could start it all over again. We could be gods. Sole rulers of a scorched earth. We could build everything up again, from scratch. Create a utopia."

Still not quite following, Andrew raised his eyebrows. It made him look very surprised, and kind of stupid. He was clueless to that fact, though. "Uh... Warren... correct me if I'm wrong, but... if we're to start this whole apocalypse thing, and destroy almost everything but ourselves, won't sustaining the human race become a problem eventually? I mean... you and me, we're both, you know, _guys_. How are we supposed to... breed?"

Warren looked at him sheepishly. "Oh. I hadn't thought of that, actually. Well, that's easily solved. We'll just spare a couple of hot chicks, and they'll be all to our service."

Coughing subtly, Andrew retorted: "Well, maybe... maybe to you, but myself... I've heard the expression 'not if you were the last man on earth' too many times to believe that." _Not being interested in women is the least of my problems_, he silently added in his head. _That has nothing to do with them thinking I'm a repulsive, clingy geek._

Warren waved his hand vaguely. "Ah, cut it. I'll invent a device for that. One that has brainwashing functions. Women will crumble, I assure you." He sounded very reassuring.

Andrew refrained from asking him if it could work on men, too. Instead, he crept up from beneath the pillows and sat himself down on the sofa, just next to Warren. _Careful now, don't sit too close_, he told himself. _He might take that the wrong way. Not that I don't _want_ him to take it the 'wrong' way, but it would complicate things. I'd better wait for the opportune moment. Whenever that'll be._

Warren had now got up and snatched the last soda from the fridge. He opened it, and swallowed eagerly. Then, wrinkling his forehead, he placed it on the table in front of him.

"Wait a minute here. I can now see that my great plan has its flaws. If we kill everyone, that'll become very boring after a while. I mean, I can't see how eternity with only you as my companion will work out. It'll probably end either with me killing myself in mere frustration or with me killing _you_, for the same reason."

Andrew looked at him, seemingly hurt and confused. "What do you mean with that?"

"Ah, for fuck's sake, Andrew. Don't bug me with this crap. I'm just pointing out that just the two of us – and a bunch of hot chick, of course – that'll eventually bore me to _death_. How fun can it be, spending every second of your entire life with _one person_?" Warren laughed to himself.

_It'd be wonderful_, thought Andrew to himself, weeping uncontrollably inside. _That'd certainly be utopia._

Smiling slightly, he reached for the half-empty can of soda Warren had left on the table. He drank from it, pressing back the tears from his eyes. "I see your point," he said, chuckling in an empty sort of way. His insides felt like they were being torn apart, but he didn't even twitch. "Yeah, that'd really suck, Warren."


End file.
